Season Preview 22 April: NEW SEASON SEES OPPORTUNITY TO SET RECORDS, CLAIMS MANAGER ROSS-RUSSELL

In the 2003/2004 Premier League season, Arsenal FC managed to win the league without losing a single game; a feat yet to be matched, and that can never be improved upon. This is what achievement looks like, according to Team Ladpack Manager-Captain Jimmy Ross-Russell:

“To think we lost that first game last season, it felt like somebody had weed on my Weetabix. We aspire to be the best team that Monday Night Frank Lee Fitness Centre 5-a-side Football has ever seen, and to fall at the first hurdle last season knocked me back. I haven’t slept properly since; I struggle to enjoy life with the memory unexorcised; Food tastes bland and even living with Simon Day can’t raise my spirits”.

It’s clear that this means a lot to a man that has is used to success: He was named ‘most likely to become a chat show host’ whilst just 18, before ultimately deciding to become a part-time 5-a-side football manager/captain/talisman. “Yeah I gave up my dream of becoming the next Rikki Lake for Team Ladpack.” He admits with thinly-veiled resentment, “We won the league, so I have again turned down Channel 5’s advances, but I want to build on that. I want to be the InvinciLads”.

With Nick ‘What happens in Amsterdam, stays in Amsterdam’ Stubbings yet to return from his lucrative loan move to Dutch Football and the Nike Academy, Ladpack have been heavily linked with a move for Jon ‘Fresh as’ Minto for tonight’s game against Strange Ways FC. Jamie Clarke has busily prepared for the new season by Instagramming selfies with sunglasses on all weekend, whilst Simon Day went to the gym last week, hasn’t stopped moaning about how much pain he is in and is therefore only 50/50 to play.

Jonny Pugh has a blister and Luke hasn’t been heard from since he left Ladpack HQ at 7am on Saturday nursing a bottle of wine. Hopefully he knows there’s a game on.

As Jimmy Ross-Russell says: “This is not a time for boys, this is a time for InvinciLads”
#UTL

ENDS

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