Match report 30 September 2013: LA D’PACK INSPIRED BY FOREIGN NEWCOMERS

Ladpack made their almighty return to defend their title on Monday night, with a once more modified line-up. With manager Jim RR away on a scouting trip in Spain and Mad Dog Minto nursing a dodgy ankle, Ladpack went back to their pre-Minto era formation with no goalkeeper . Pep Guardiola may have invented the ‘false 9’, but the Lads use the ‘false 1’.

Seasoned Ladpack veterans Simon, Luke and Jonny (AKA Bricks, Tricks and Flicks) were joined by Chris ‘No Longer Known As Judas But Still Plays For Another Team So Kind Of A Judas’ Whitt and two new editions from distant lands: Ollie from France and James from up north.

The early signs were that the #Lads were a little rusty, heavy first touches and some misplaced passes, but they still dominated possession. The international flair started to come out as the Lads moved the ball quickly and after ten minutes they hit full flow. Whilst the ‘no goalkeeper’ tactic was leaking a few at the back, the goals were coming thick and fast and despite James’ sluggish pace the Lads were a few goals ahead by half time.

Much like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, #Ladpack made good use of mysterious strangers from distant lands. Plus it means you get to see Morgan Freeman, who is awesome.

Much like Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves, #Ladpack made good use of mysterious strangers from distant lands. Plus it means you get to see Morgan Freeman, who is awesome.

As the second half started Inter NHS tried a spirited comeback when Luke (the nominal GK) three times passed it directly to one of their players, the last of which was sweetly struck by their only good player, who then proceweded to ruin it by shouting “BOOOOOM!” as he scored. Bellend.

Anyway his joy was short lived as Jonny picked up the ball just outside his own box and loft one over the top to meet Simon’s beautifully-timed run, who achieved the rarest of accolades: the Frank Lee Monday Night 5-a-side Football League headed goal. It was a thing of precision and accuracy and barely hit his face.

The last ten minutes were a classic Ladpack hammering, as Inter were chasing shadows. James running the channels (seemingly with a parachute attached) and Ollie, (a ‘beret’ good player) so creative it’s rumoured that he assisted the nurses at his own birth, proving their worth with the famed black of the Pack on their backs. Chris did a great job going forward, but also of clearing out any of their players that dare go near the goal.

Final score 16-6. Who needs goalkeepers.

Up the Ladpack.

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