Match report 27 April 2013: LEAGUE NEWCOMERS PROVIDE FIRST TEST FOR RUSTY LADS

Firstly, sorry for the delayed match reporting. Team Ladpack have been on a lucrative midweek tour of the far east (Anglia), meaning your trusty reporter hasn’t had access to the club insight that is so valued by you loyal fans. He is not getting paid this week as a result.

On to the game: Strange Ways FC are newly promoted to the league, and although they had smashed their league, have not yet amassed the financial clout of the big boys, and their kit was rubbish and not sexy and cool like Ladpack’s; Try and look the part guys – this isn’t Sunday league, It’s Frank Lee Monday Night 5-a-side!

Interesting I’m-fine-with-it-so-should-you-be-it’s-not-weird news of the week was that they had a girl on their team. A victory for feminist and those supporting equal rights the world over, it set up a fantastic ‘written in the stars’ Hollywood ending where she scored the winner, but in honesty, she was terrible. A real liability. Oh well, progress is progress.

For this match Nick Stubbings was busy having a smear test so Jon ‘Mad Eyes’ Minto was drafted in as #Ladpack’s first actual goalkeeper that can keep goals. Having finally solved the defensive frailties, the team was confident of the win.
This arrogance spilled on to the pitch, and with Simon ‘Dog Chasing a Ball’ Day starting on the bench, the tie started a little more difficultly than expected. Although Ladpack took the lead, after a few minutes their best player finished talking on the phone and casually subbed himself on for Mrs Strangeways, and immediately caused trouble. Nothing else interesting happened in the first half, apart from Captain Jim scoring a hammer before his signature run-back-without-celebrating celebration. The cool bastard. Half time it was probably 4-3 or something, I wasn’t realy paying attention but it was close.

SECOND HALF!! And with rejuvenated energy Ladpack started hitting their form, except Lukle who was rubbish. Even Messi has his off days, but when Luke received the ball by the edge of the box, he attempted to take on his female counterpart, who calmly dispossessed him, nutmegged him, and slotted home. Irrelevant of chromosomes, only one person came out of that scuffle looking like a little girl…

Pressure was on and we needed something from the Jonny Pugh school of ridiculous. Jonny had been quiet up to this point (other than scoring a couple), mostly attributed to the smell of a female being too nearby. Luckily the change of ends brought a change of wind direction and got the scoop train going. One looped ball in to him at was chested, kneed and calmly dispatched WITH A BACK-HEELED VOLLEY into the top corner. One spectator was literally sick on the sideline out of sheer awe, and Simon screamed like a Justin Beiber Fan.

With a shaky lead, we needed to see out the win, and with ball played in to Simon ‘Equal Rights’ Day with just Mrs Strange Ways and the keeper to beat, used his 6’3” frame to shoulder barge the 5’2” soccerette to the floor before scoring. Gentlemanly, no. But the goal stood and Jose Mourihno would be proud. “She has every right to play here. And I have every right to bundle her like I do everyone else. I’ll buy her a frock to say sorry” he 1950sed.

So, 3 points on the table, and CBU lost, so the InvinciLads season may still be on the cards.

Up the #Ladpack

ENDS

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s