Match Report 13 May: STUNTS SCARED WHITT-LESS (AKA SOMEONE BUY MINTO AN ALARM CLOCK)

Monday night saw the Ladpack in action once more, with league newcomers the Cunning Stunts hoping to challenge the reigning champions. Having been heavily linked with signing for the #Ladpack during the off-season, Chris ‘Judas’ Whitt decided to commit to the opposition and decided to face his potential suitors. His choice infuriated Captain Jim, who issued the Lads with a pre-match dossier on Chris’ weaknesses, fears, and mothers name (Paula). Emotions were high, and our fan booed Chris whenever he was on the ball.

Jonathan ‘I never get injured’ Pugh was injured, meaning #LadInTheWings Jon ‘Good Old Reliable’ Minto was on hand to fill in. Theoretically. Five minutes to kick off and no Minto caused worry. 3 minutes to go and there was panic and mild frustration. By the time we had to kick off without him with Jim in goal, there was an Armageddon behind Jim’s eyes.

An intense first couple of minutes ensued amidst some horrible wet weather, with the teams getting a feel of the opposition (figuratively and literally) and resulting in a real end to end ding dong. Sadly, after a nice move, #Ladpack went behind and the pressure increased. The #Lads were treading water, before in a moment of blind madness, Jimmy ‘Radu Mitu-ed’ it into his own net.

2-0 down and barely five minutes in. With Captain Jim’s confidence between the sticks shattered, and the rain not easing up, it looked as though this was not going to be Ladpack’s night. But lo, the clouds parted, the sun beamed upon us all and out jogged Minto, apologising and muttering something about getting into a fight with a postman. Now we had our ‘keeper. Now we had our mojo.

The ball started moving nicely, and the Ladpack overran the Stunts. Lukebayor Cheesbrough was doing little defending, and not making a huge impression for chunks of the game, but scored four great goals to turn the game around, before playing a delightful ball through to Jamie, who chested down for Simon to slam home. They pulled one back, and whilst their own Lee Cattermole kicked his way through midfield, the Stunts threw everything at Jon ‘Ganesh’ Minto, who used all eight of his arms to pull off some frankly outrageous saves.

With the Stunts’ trying their best Stoke impression, Lee Cattermole pushed over Nick (ref needs glasses, etc etc) and played the ball long down the wing before a scramble ended with Chris traitoring the ball into the back of the net before ducking out of the game.

Luckily soon after Chris went off (having been their best player), Simon was selfish enough to ignore Jamie’s reasonable plea to pass the ball, instead going for the audacious 20 yard toe punt and catching the opposition keeper out with it’s  sheer stupidity.  He had made it 7-4 and almost kicked himself in the face in one gangly move.

Final whistle went and we were all friends again. We are not a petty group of #Lads, and will not hold Chris’ decision against him.Chris Whitt

Paula’s gay.

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