Match Report 2 May 2013: LADPACK MATCH REPORT: THERE’S A PATTERN EMERGING… (AKA LUKE WHO?)

On Monday the twittersphere erupted as the teamsheets were announced ahead of the #Ladpack’s game against old rivals The Expendables. Whilst there was jubilation that Nick Stubbings was to return to the line-up, question marks arose around the exclusion of Luke ‘Heart of a lion, legs of a granny’ Cheesbrough.

Following his dip in form last week, suggestions circulated that he was having problems with homesickness for his native Lesbos, and that there had been disagreements with Manager Jim’s rigid training/showering regime. Several rival clubs have publicly courted the idea of signing the mercurial veteran, and the rumours just will not go away.

“I want to nip this in the bud, Luke has a fractured testicle: there is no rift”, Manager Jim seethed when asked by your loyal reporter, “Luke is a bloody #Lad and he will stay a bloody lad until I say otherwise. He is being flagrantly tapped up by lesser teams and I will be taking this up with the Frank Lee Monday Night 5-a-side FA. If he has a problem, he can come to me any time” he added, with the veiled aggression Jim is famed for.

Luke was unavailable to comment but his agent, Seniõr Fifteenpercent, released a statement stating “My client is committed to doing his talking on the pitch. If other clubs want to offer him better terms, we may consider them”.
Seems the papers have their summertime saga sorted…

The #Ladpack were unable to dratf in Jon ‘barmaid’s delight’ Minto and as such had just 5 players, and no subs. Jamie ‘Blue Moon’ Clarke started in goal with his trusty Man City cap to keep the sun from his eyes. The game was tight; Expendables, despite their Hollywood namesakes, did not have the fitness but had ample options on the bench to keep the #Lads puffed out. The only notable event of the first half was and Jamie being one on one with the keeper and taking a full minute to decide which corner to place it before toying with the sobbing goalkeeper and despatching like a hitman. Half time 3-3.

Jim gave one of his world-renowned team talks and the players all had Haribo, and as the second half started The Expendables lost their heads. Three goals in quick succession put them on the back foot and they never recovered. They tried to pile on the pressure but were punished on the break and the game actually ended fairly routinely.

The referee called the final score as 9-5. I am certain it was more than that but meh, 3 points in the bag and the top of the table was the reward.

Luke who?

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